She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
