You're my little dorito
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This toilet bowl is my home.
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