none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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