He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
