It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
