somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
