Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
