I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
