I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
