what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
