She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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