Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
