Swine flu. Run for my life!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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