She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
