It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
