your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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