New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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