It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bring me that man meat
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
