I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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