Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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