i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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