im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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