My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize