meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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