just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
