i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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