dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
