Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So. Much. Porn.
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