you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
