Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
