the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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