Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
