she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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