Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
