i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
