I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
