So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize