cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
