It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
