i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
