I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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