I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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