id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
