Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
