so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
