Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
