I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
