What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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