Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
