Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
