I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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