Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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