The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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