I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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