you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
