Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
