Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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