now i know why i became what i already was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
