I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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