Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
