It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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