Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
