OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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