ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
