I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
