wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
