I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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