new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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