I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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