White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
