Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
