Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
