i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
