why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i think im in europe. pls send help
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
