I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
