The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
