He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
